I puked a lego.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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