My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
