The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
