so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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