I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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