Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
