Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
no, he came in my armpit
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
