you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
