I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I got inside last night via doggy door
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
