you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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