you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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