Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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