piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
