One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
