also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Randomize
