At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
