My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
