All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
