That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
