dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
