At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
