Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
