Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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