he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
