I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
