I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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