you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
