we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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