we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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