Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My ATM looks so different sober.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
