so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
