Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
