New low: just hacked my moms facebook
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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