I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
