Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
