my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
