I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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