So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
