Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
