Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
