I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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