I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
