How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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