He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
