Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
