I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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