i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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