Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
