I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
