i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
