roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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